venting

nightlife. fast life. its just not me. pregaming n throwin back drinks. not me. nights on the town bein wild. not me. dancing on tables in short skirts..not me. freakum dresses. not me. supa dupa high heels and caked on M.A.C..not me. you=not me

bolting

thoughts while on BoltBus

leaving bmore:
i remember the time we were drivin thru bmore aimlessly. the hood of course. got to a deadend and saw a huge archway signifying the entrance to the baltimore cemetery. the brighest, newest lookin yet least promising sign in the area. i made it to atlantic city that same night.


arriving in NY:
id rather my future children not call me mama. children should have their mouth taped shut

after 2 days, arriving in bmore:
4112 erdman ave, in one window split pea green and white curtains danced in the window. in the others, makeshift paper or plastic ---


Ball-d'more. decrepit. (my mental dictionary)
according to the bench I saw, "Baltimore. The Greatest City in America"
i beg to differ

----

Self-Doubt is your worst enemy and
"Believe in yourself" is the best advice
because Self-Confidence is key.

Summer has been so good to me. Even though my biggest plan did not go as planned, things turned out just fine. A job isn't everything and I definitely wasn't settling for no anything ass job. ((p.s. I love when ppl describe things as "anything".)) Certainly tried an interview and was unsuccesful but later realized I didn't wanna work there anyway which is probably what shined through during their 17 question interrogation. Of course, I was kinda bummed out at first but when I realized I didn't get something I didn't even want, the pain subsided. Something is NOT always better than nothing. And maintaining your happiness is the most important of everything so mission accomplished. Reni wins again.

Got that internship like I wanted to though. woot woot. I like that my scope of work has been designed around the strengths my supervisor thinks that I possess. There is nothing I love more than seeing myself excel and listening to the praises of those around me especially when it comes to things I'm not super confident about. But really, in my life, there's nothing I'm SUPER confident about. I lack that "this has my name on it and I spent alot of time and put alot of work into it so it must be the shit" confidence. Words of a self-proclaimed perfectionist.

Speaking of confidence, let's return to those 3 lines from the beginning.
Everything comes from within. How you think of yourself will reflect in the way you carry yourself which will have a great effect on how others percieve you. Be Mindful.

ringing

2 hour long conversations on the phone...cant get you outta my mind...

location: layin in bed.

theres something about having that person you can sit and rap to about anything and everything and nothing at the same time in the wee hours of the AM when normal people are sleeping. when getting ready for bed means preparing for a phone conversation that neither of you will want to end and where both of you will prob fall asleep twice before deciding that its time. just hours shy of your morning alarm...

*ring*ring*

7-20-10

"am i really about to blog cause he told me to?
sigh."

Interestingly enough, that was the last thing I had saved as drafts in here from sometime in June. I don't even remember who I was referring to but today, July 20, 2010, even though I am returning to this blog by way of someone else's suggestion, this time, I'm really doing it for me.

Your first love is the sweetest and will always have a permanent place in your heart.