realizing

almost 19 yrs done and the fun hasnt even begun. start living, stop existing. used to think i was ready to leave it all behind and settle down till i realized i hadnt even started yet. me life. fast life. think i used to fool myself cause i started so early. yea ive been many places nd done many things but theres a time for everything and living like anything (with purpose) has purpose only now. these years. existing in my teen years. over and done. living life fully in my twenties. here i come!

hello August

venting

nightlife. fast life. its just not me. pregaming n throwin back drinks. not me. nights on the town bein wild. not me. dancing on tables in short skirts..not me. freakum dresses. not me. supa dupa high heels and caked on M.A.C..not me. you=not me

bolting

thoughts while on BoltBus

leaving bmore:
i remember the time we were drivin thru bmore aimlessly. the hood of course. got to a deadend and saw a huge archway signifying the entrance to the baltimore cemetery. the brighest, newest lookin yet least promising sign in the area. i made it to atlantic city that same night.


arriving in NY:
id rather my future children not call me mama. children should have their mouth taped shut

after 2 days, arriving in bmore:
4112 erdman ave, in one window split pea green and white curtains danced in the window. in the others, makeshift paper or plastic ---


Ball-d'more. decrepit. (my mental dictionary)
according to the bench I saw, "Baltimore. The Greatest City in America"
i beg to differ

----

Self-Doubt is your worst enemy and
"Believe in yourself" is the best advice
because Self-Confidence is key.

Summer has been so good to me. Even though my biggest plan did not go as planned, things turned out just fine. A job isn't everything and I definitely wasn't settling for no anything ass job. ((p.s. I love when ppl describe things as "anything".)) Certainly tried an interview and was unsuccesful but later realized I didn't wanna work there anyway which is probably what shined through during their 17 question interrogation. Of course, I was kinda bummed out at first but when I realized I didn't get something I didn't even want, the pain subsided. Something is NOT always better than nothing. And maintaining your happiness is the most important of everything so mission accomplished. Reni wins again.

Got that internship like I wanted to though. woot woot. I like that my scope of work has been designed around the strengths my supervisor thinks that I possess. There is nothing I love more than seeing myself excel and listening to the praises of those around me especially when it comes to things I'm not super confident about. But really, in my life, there's nothing I'm SUPER confident about. I lack that "this has my name on it and I spent alot of time and put alot of work into it so it must be the shit" confidence. Words of a self-proclaimed perfectionist.

Speaking of confidence, let's return to those 3 lines from the beginning.
Everything comes from within. How you think of yourself will reflect in the way you carry yourself which will have a great effect on how others percieve you. Be Mindful.

ringing

2 hour long conversations on the phone...cant get you outta my mind...

location: layin in bed.

theres something about having that person you can sit and rap to about anything and everything and nothing at the same time in the wee hours of the AM when normal people are sleeping. when getting ready for bed means preparing for a phone conversation that neither of you will want to end and where both of you will prob fall asleep twice before deciding that its time. just hours shy of your morning alarm...

*ring*ring*

7-20-10

"am i really about to blog cause he told me to?
sigh."

Interestingly enough, that was the last thing I had saved as drafts in here from sometime in June. I don't even remember who I was referring to but today, July 20, 2010, even though I am returning to this blog by way of someone else's suggestion, this time, I'm really doing it for me.

Your first love is the sweetest and will always have a permanent place in your heart.

i cant think of anything to write...
this blog is too forced for my liking

on the verge of deletion
or disabling it (if i can)

death to 9-5s.
i just wanna be rich and free.
so i can travel and chill.
or just be elsewhere
and be content
with everything i want
and all the things i need

with a solid circle to enjoy it with.

=)

7even lines of summer
six months of you
spending all saturday together
late night rendezvous

license √
car √

new years resolution/1 item of summer bucket list complete...
#satisfied

Memorializing..

Memorial Day...remembering our troops
*cue Trey Songz' video for "Yo Side of The Bed"*

Memorial Day is also the official start of summer. This summer will be better than the last one. I already know. I'm just waiting for things to get started. Any minute now...

The only thing we will be left with at the end of the day is memories. So make them as often as you can and make them good. True words spoken from a wise mafia man. I'm gonna remember this.

Sex and They're Cheating 2

Sooo I went and saw Sex and The City 2 today. One of those movies that makes you think about growing up, marriage, and the fast life. One of those movies that makes me sit back and ask...is this LIFE? Lesson Learned: Everybody Cheats and Cheating is OK. ?!?!

That's not how the story goes; cheating is taboo. To be done behind the scenes and shunned in the light. It should not happen and needs to be dealt with accordingly. Carrie kissed Aiden and told Big and she was rewarded (excuse me..."punished") with a Black diamond ring. ?!?! Well if that ain't the perfect ending to this modern day fairytale?

'Every couple has the right to make its own rules'.

Fair enough.

7even Lines of Summer

I am going to give this another try. I don't do enough and think way too much to go without writing. 7even Lines of Summer. Each day, I will aim to write 7even lines on this blog. The end result will be something worth looking back at. Something like my first blog, the real me.

Starting......NOW

I just want love; a tangible entity I can thrust all of my time and emotion towards, is that a crime? said Complex Simplicity

Haiti..my Haiti

I don't think Haiti needs clothes. Sure put clothes on their backs but the devastation is way past this. They need money and support to clean up, rebuild, get back on their feet. They need money to fall in the right hands of the right people. They need the powerful to care and act. That's all.

Yea I facebook. Myspace still exists. I even got my Xanga. and i stillllll Tweet on top of all this. Twitter breeds ignorance and sometimes I can't fade. Days like today. Haiti Earthquake from Yesterday. Twice, I've seen did Haiti donate to us when Katrina occurred? If you read, you would know that it was the poorest nation in the world. THE POOREST, not in any shape or condition to donate to anyone not because they don't care or they don't want to but because they just can't so how dare you even open your mouth or fix your fingers to express such a comment. I really can't believe people sometimes.

Like yes, things like this raise awareness but when people want to start acting stupid about, it really drives me crazy. People jump up and say where were yall reppin for Haiti before this earthquake hit? Please don't. Please, please, please DO NOT. If you thought present situations requiring immediate action were the time to dwell on the mistakes of our past in order to build a better future, you've got it all wrong. And when you're wrong, I'd prefer that you shut your mouth. But that's just me and this is just my blog so....yea.

Thank you

swingers

randomly remembering the time that me and my superb ex boyfriend and I chilled over the summer. he took me to a park and we sat on the swings together and talked for awhile.

he was being nice that day. brotherly. protective. trying to look out for me by telling me I was talking to the wrong kind of dude. I knew that then and I know it even more now.

good times though. we talked and laugh. i dont know why conversation about a future "us" came up. It really escapes me but it's all good. I Love The People I Love


and then he rolled a blunt. sigh.
THE END