Color Me Perfect...

fact

2012-02-20T16:46:00.003-05:00

I live in fairy tale land and still believe in happy endings. I am comforted by the fact that in the end, all will be well. It helps me to worry less, at least when I remember.

memory lane

2012-02-18T21:33:00.003-05:00

Can I take you back to January 29th. This was the morning that joy came after weeping had endured for a night. Literally. This was the Sunday, I got myself together and went to church.

This is when I was first introduced to that verse from Psalms 30. It was too real. This is the day the Bokamoso Youth (from South Africa) came and SANG and completely blew me away. The voices, dances, clapping, and stomping that comprises their performance was EVERYTHING. And then if that wasn't amazing enough, if I told you how the church blessed them that day, you would not even believe. For someone who still believes in the inherit good of the human race, it was nothing short of reaffirming that genuine givers still exist.

anyway, I finally found them on Youtube

This was the day that all I could exclaim was Look At God.

As what was at once a big deal falls apart, I'm starting to see the things that really matter come together. It's a great feeling. For that, I am grateful.

I've been getting short and sweet words of advice in passing as of late. Taking it all in.

morning

2012-02-17T17:11:00.002-05:00

Great is thy faithfulness. Great is the faithfulness. Morning by morning, new mercies I see. All I have needed thy hand has provided. Great is thy faithfulness, Lord unto me.

In the morning you'll be alright

In the morning, the sun's gonna shine

In the morning, no clouds in the sky

When it's dark in your life, just wait for the daylight

Weeping may last through the night but joy cometh in the morning.

Psalm 30:5

It's all coming together now.

RIP Whitney

2012-02-13T00:25:00.004-05:00

Haven't had the chance to sit down and listen to Whitney jams since the news broke.

Where to begin...

This is almost like Michael all over again.

today

2012-02-09T20:47:00.002-05:00

Joy is everlasting. Happiness comes and goes.

being me.

2012-02-08T18:34:00.003-05:00

So many people telling me I have so much going for me and have nothing to worry about.

So much pressure. Still a good feeling.

noninterests

2012-01-25T20:47:00.003-05:00

Conversations on black people vs. the white man and mental slavery and self-hate.

Count me out.

lesson 1

2012-01-19T00:33:00.004-05:00

Such is life. Learning lessons in the most unexpected places.

Today, I watched 'Crazy Stupid Love'. Lesson learned: Fight for the one you love.

2012

2012-01-01T12:50:00.003-05:00

Question of the hour: What are we doing?

New year. Time to re-evaluate.

November

2011-11-23T10:25:00.004-05:00

I don't even have time to get lost in my thoughts anymore.

5

2011-11-05T20:44:00.003-04:00

most alone time I've had in awhile but I can't relax the way I'd like to.

me time> alone time

CRAY

2011-11-04T12:47:00.005-04:00

Last night was amazing.

Watch The Throne Tour. Stop #3. DC @ the Verizon Center

Kanye is my favorite rapper and almost favorite artist ever. Such a high energy, extra live show. I can definitely say I enjoyed all the non-Watch The Throne songs more except maybe for Niggas in Paris, which they did 3 times.

Ball so hard...

new new

2011-09-08T19:02:00.000-04:00

be careful what you wish for.

only 21

2011-09-03T13:47:00.003-04:00

I'm right where I'm supposed to be. 21. In my 4th and last year of college. Working hard at school, figuring out my future, and making money when I can. Things will change as time passes as they should. One day, I'll be 31, in my future, out of school, with a career and worrying about what 31 yr olds worry about. It's only a matter of time. Why I sit and wish I was older at times, I don't know because I'll get there eventually. Can't really rush time. So what if everyone else is old and I feel like I'm getting left behind. My time hasn't come yet.

"Pump pump pump pump your brakes and slow down." -a Juke Joint artist '08

inequalities

2011-09-03T10:23:00.001-04:00

this phone call right now <<<<< the peace i had before i answered the call

I care.

2011-08-28T19:27:00.001-04:00

Thought that things like this get better with time but I still....

Why is that?

21

2011-08-11T00:35:00.003-04:00

but my birthday was great though

^_^

:-/

2011-08-09T22:10:00.004-04:00

when shit it sweet, it's divine

otherwise...

and i guess i'm supposed to feel some kinda good that you arranged something for me just like you would have if we were still but we're not yet you are and i should be happy, right? but no

not that simple

Verano...

2011-07-31T13:28:00.004-04:00

Dear Summer,

I love you. Just 1 more month left with you and I can surely say that it's been fun thus far and I look forward to having the most fun in this month of August. My favorite month with one of my favorite holidays is only a day away. Crazy how time flies so please don't speed up like you usually do in August. I could use a bit more of you.

-Summer Baby

Turning 21

2011-07-16T19:53:00.003-04:00

No one's ever in the same place at the same time but I'm going to make it almost happen for my birthday. My gift to me.

:-(

2011-07-12T22:15:00.002-04:00

I just want to piece it all together with super glue so that it stays that way forever.

One of those evenings.

Sunshine State

2011-06-21T15:00:00.003-04:00

my family is Boss. Governor Mimiko of Ondo State, Nigeria.
feeling randomly proud.

week 2

2011-06-08T09:19:00.002-04:00

So, It's been quite some time and things are a bit different than they were last time we spoke. I have no idea what my last blog was about to be honest (shows what I get for being so ambiguous at times) but it was obviously something negative that I'd probably be better off not remembering to be completely honest but I digress...

Summer 2011 is in full swing. I'm in Baltimore, a city which I have not come to love just yet. Don't know what you got till its gone certainly applies to DC..my real "city". Not that I was immersed in the city while I was there but I would much rather be stuck in that city for 8 weeks than in this one. Either way, still optimistic. If it wasn't so hot and I had my iPod, I would start exploring...just maybe.

The internship part is wonderful thus far. So much going on here, so much opportunity, interesting research, great people. I'm pretty sure I made the right choice because just being at the Hopkins campus is enriching. I like my mentor. He's got me involved in a couple things all of importance. I'll be out in the field soon too and the research projects I've been exposed to are really interesting. Sexual and reproductive health!! Adolescents!! Prevention!! Promotion! The fun stuff. On the first day, they told us to "Be A Sponge" and that's exactly what I plan to do.

So have fun, learn, make connections and study for the GRE are all on my list of things to do. Yes, the GRE. I honestly don't want to be stressed about it because I don't believe in work related stress over the summer months. I truly believe in giving yourself a break even when you can't completely afford one. It's necessary for your sanity. Here's the plan: get the book, make some study schedule, take some practice tests, try my very best, and hope it's enough. If not, I'll just try again.
Dust myself off and try again. Try again. Try again. Failure is not a true end point. I think I thanked God this morning for the ability to make mistakes and learn from them. #itsthelittlethings!!!!

Next Up: The Title (as told by Me)

2011-05-29T19:04:00.001-04:00

...not AGAIN

flaws & all

2011-05-26T02:42:00.002-04:00

shoutout to everyone who sees whatever it is they see in me that makes them keep me around.

hair!

2011-05-25T23:41:00.003-04:00

so as the rest of the world goes natural, my relaxed hair is doing beautifully. better than it's ever been in awhile and i'm loving it.
healthy hair = good hair

y'all don't know how much i HATE natural nazis and their elitist attitudes acting like they're better people on the inside for having natural hair. gurl bye

plea

2011-05-25T21:39:00.002-04:00

desensitize me cap'n
not crunchitize. but desensitize.
please cap'n.

territorial

2011-05-23T22:40:00.002-04:00

i don't like when our worlds collide. not. one. bit.

the chase

2011-05-23T21:57:00.003-04:00

her: u still talk to (insert name here)?
me: shiiiiiiit I've been trying to.

I don't like having to chase people. I don't like busy people. It just turns me off. I have no problem showing interest but how can I do that if you never even time to let me show you? Hmph. It is kind of a turn on to see that you're about your stuff but live a little.

sad reality

2011-05-22T16:12:00.002-04:00

he don't care about you. he don't want you. he don't like you. he's just not that into you. point. blank. period.
fell asleep on that movie by the way.
anywho

*reread until it sinks in*

buy-buy

2011-05-22T09:53:00.004-04:00

New: dress, skirt, skinny jeans, pink shirt for like $50. that's a bargain to me considering I'm not a thrifter.I want some more dresses, stripes,and florals...oh and sunglasses so I can achieve these not-so-defined looks I dream about. And more make-ups! lol. I bought a lip stain and an ugly lip gloss that needs returning. Oh and a pretty nail polish. Oh and summery wedges I've been eyeing at DSW. Look good. Feel good.

One of my many mantras.

god-#WINNING

2011-05-20T19:55:00.003-04:00

I can smile knowing that I have family members who care about me. Yes, even the meddling ones.

question: How's your boyfriend?
answer: i don't have one.
a million and one questions and pieces of advice ensue.

oh and all this talk about the world ending or the rapture or whatever is supposed to happening tomorrow according to some guy? nope, not having it. the fact that people are even entertaining it disturbs me. i'll admit i had my doubts when the millennium hit but nothing happened and looking back, all i can do is laugh. twitter told me, sorry I haven't read my Bible, but anyway, apparently no one knows the time. so let's just live like we used to circa 1998 with no fears. cool? cool

AIM-ing

2011-05-20T10:00:00.002-04:00

the mind games i used to play with these young boys....man oh man.
my teenagehood was fun. #nowreading old AIM conversations.

Yesterday

2011-05-19T20:02:00.003-04:00

What do black grown folk do? Not married folk but the 20 and 30 somethings with no obligations but balancing work and passion. Yesterday, I got a glimpse while at a little open mic spot with a chill food and drink menu and a nice live band and talented artsy fartsy people. It was cute. I zoned out for a few moments to picture myself out of college, of age, and being a regular there sometime in my future. But before I get there, I need to get the fun out of my system.

closing

2011-05-17T20:04:00.003-04:00

As the year nears its end, I figured I needed to blog an official sendoff. So here's to you Junior year. Here's to the best of times and the worst of times. Here's to the first day of the semester. Here's to the last day of the semester. Here's to the good days and better days in between. Here's to single life (-_-). Here's to doing what I want and not what I should. Here's to getting that internship. Here's to getting into Courtyards. Here's to the first 4.0 during a spring semester (crosses fingers). Here's to straight shots and no chasers those few random times. Here's to getting the maximum sleep. Here's to CHOICES. Here's to CURB. Here's to being strong. *thinks of things that are relevant to fall semester* ....*thinks of better things to cheers to*.... *draws blank*.

Here's to making Fall 2011 more memorable.

2 words

2011-05-17T17:25:00.001-04:00

white people

*face palm*

bracing myself for this summer.

aging

2011-05-12T15:02:00.001-04:00

Now that I'm almost a senior in college, a guy 1 year older than me is likely to be a college graduate. I'm swimming with the big fish now. Hello there you young eligible bachelors. Lol. I'm growing but I surely don't feel old. When will it settle in with this youthful face? Haha.

Neverrrrrrrrr

journeying [to the past]

2011-05-09T11:36:00.004-04:00

aint what i heard you said you loved me in december
it aint what i heard you said you loved me in
december i remember.
-Olivia.December

It turns out freedom ain't nothin but missing you
Wishing I'd realized what I had when you were mine
I go back to December, turn around and make it alright
I go back to December, turn around and change my own mind
I go back to December all the time, all the time
-Taylor Swift. Back to December

something special about december, ey? when things were essentially everything they should've been.

soundtrack to nostalgia and a hopeful future. they go hand in hand.

2 ot 11

2011-05-07T20:28:00.001-04:00

2011 has been so good to me. excuse me if I already said this.
and we're not even half way through.
here's to continuing the trend.
*cheers*

summer 2011. senior year. leggo.

humbling

2011-05-06T09:02:00.004-04:00

randomly thinking about working in Compassion Atlanta. City of Refuge's gigantic food pantry where volunteers come in and fill boxes of food that are essentially supposed to feed families of 4 for 1 month. I remember taking special care of each of my boxes. Thinking of the meals they could create out of the things I tossed in there. Thinking of what I would want to eat if I was poor and had to survive of these food boxes. Getting frustrated towards the end when the supply of food we had out on the table became less and less and I wasn't able to make boxes that stood up to my standards. It's good to put yourself in someone else's shoes every now and again...preferably someone who only gets 2 new pairs of shoes a year from other people's donations. Doing ASB Atlanta over a year ago was life changing and every now and again, my mind goes back there and to all the people I met and things I witnessed and stuff we did. It keeps me grounded.

Just visited the website. I remember eating lunch in Eden's Village that one day and meeting the beautiful baby in that picture right there. We held her and played with her and she smiled and laughed as her mother looked on. She's too young to know her situation and hopefully will never really have to. Here's to hoping.

word

2011-05-06T08:45:00.003-04:00

But I won't go,
I can't do it on my own,
If this ain't love, then what is?
I'm willing to take the risk,
I won't go,
I can't do it on my own,
If this ain't love, then what is?
I'm willing to take the risk

confirming

2011-05-04T20:58:00.003-04:00

now that's i've checked myself back in to reality
onto the rest...

I've fared quite well in this life so far but I can never get the people right. If there's one thing I feel is ALWAYS lacking, it's having certain people in certain places to play certain roles at certain times for certain reasons. I've never quite got it right.

what's really good?

maybe i'm just meant to be my own friend. enjoy time alone. do things on my own. seek independence. etcetera. or maybe not.

just speculating.

updating

2011-05-03T19:35:00.002-04:00

#oomf told me I was sicin Mother's Day and that there was no way it could be this Sunday. I started to believe them too...

don't you hate that.

updates.
gonna have to turn down another internship.
finally got the apartment i wanted.
15 days of school left.
getting back on this 3 meals a day thing.
fixed my tv.
not. too. shabby.

i think i'm happy now.
time to set more goals. accomplish new things.
got most of what i want. on to the next.

bittersweet

---ing

2011-04-22T21:45:00.002-04:00

the word of man means nothing to me.
and if your word means nothing, I'll let you know.
people been saying one thing and doing the next a lot lately.
friends. associates. everyone.
doesn't make them fake. just not honest with themselves.

hurting

2011-04-20T18:19:00.002-04:00

my heart hurts for humanity and all of the inevitable things in life that we cannot control.

counting down

2011-04-19T20:09:00.003-04:00

29 days until official start of Summer Break?!
Geez..why did I even count?
Back to work...

4 more major assignments. 5 more exams.
fun. Fun. FUN.

jamming

2011-04-15T14:53:00.002-04:00

I still believe in man.
A wise one asked me why.
Cause I just don't believe we're wicked
I know that we sin but I do believe we try.

one time for believing in the inherent goodness of all people
Happy Friday.

why do I write?

2011-04-08T10:31:00.004-04:00

If someone was to ask what my blog was about, I'd say me and my thoughts.
Whether you find that appealing or not is up to you. I wrote for readership back when Xanga was cool and enjoyed it even more when I could just write for myself. Fast forward 7 years later and I'm on blogspot. I write to release and keep a personal record of my life.

You know what you did last summer? I know what I did on April 8, 2005!

#POW

suceeding

2011-04-08T09:58:00.004-04:00

We were joking here about how come you couldn't get a 4.0. I just want to let you know that your grades did not go unnoticed. We like hard workers around here. - UMich Phone Interviewer

I love a lil recognition every now and again. It makes me feel warm and fuzzy inside. I sent in 4 applications for summer programs. Offers and interviews have been rolling in ever since. Looking like a summer in Baltimore. Not quite Miami

#1 Public Health School...√
#1 School for Healthcare Management...√
Leading US Agency for Public Health...√

I've accomplished so much already..why limit myself anymore? .
I work too hard to be ballin on a budget (love that line!).
go girl. go girl. go girl. ambition.

escaping

2011-04-05T23:30:00.003-04:00

Is this life? Nope, can't be.
*goes back to fantasy land*

parenting

2011-04-04T13:13:00.004-04:00

I've been hearing a lot about the self-proclaimed Tiger Mom and today, I finally decided to see what it was all about and take a look back at the Wall Street Journal article that started it all.

'Why Chinese Mothers Are Superior'.

"There are three big differences between the Chinese and Western parental mind-sets. Western parents are concerned about their children's psyches. Chinese parents aren't. Second, Chinese parents believe that their kids owe them everything. Third, Chinese parents believe that they know what is best for their children and therefore override all of their children's own desires and preferences."

She's just another foreign parent who pushes her kids so that they are more likely to succeed in their futures. Like my mother. Crazy to see half the world up in arms about this. So what her children had to play piano or violin, couldn't participate in school plays, couldn't bring home anything less than an A, couldn't go to sleepovers, and couldn't complain about any of the rules?
Any foreign parented child would probably read this and just smile. Yes it sucked coming up in it but the majority of us are doing well because of it.

Sincerely,
a 4.0 student

checking in

2011-04-02T18:40:00.003-04:00

hey baby,
I was thinking of you.

quote of the week

I do what I want, not what I should.- mo.Reni.K.B

bootlegging

2011-03-23T19:42:00.002-04:00

Spring and Fall may be nice but there's too much gray area.
It's supposed to be nice and sunny. Not cold and dark and wet.
In summer, there is hot and hotter.
I miss that.

short skirts. shorter sleeves.
blazers. scarves.
boots and leggings.
faking it till I make it.

researching

2011-03-21T22:27:00.003-04:00

'dealing with the loss of the sense of entitlement that comes with being in a relationship post-said- relationship'. I Googled to see what the rest of the world had to say about entitlement in this regard and came across an article on PubMed. Sadly, I can only get my hands on the abstract.

Let me just pause to note how my eyes lit up at the sight of a peer-reviewed journal article that related to my personal quest for knowledge outside of the the academic world. Is this life? Why, yes it is. This is what I'm paying for...to be made a product of higher education. To get excited when I find the right journal article with just the information I need. It's not so much what you learn while you're here but the person you become after those 4,5,6, odd years.

rollin

2011-03-19T11:22:00.002-04:00

huh? motherfucker I'm rollin
with some light skin boys and a Kelly Rowland.

Spring Break '11

=)

2011-03-18T18:23:00.002-04:00

there are so many different types of people in this world.
no 2 people are exactly alike.
and there are over 6 billion of us.
no one has the exact same struggle.
the exact same dreams.
or knows the exact same things.
such is the beauty of it all.

everybody's different.

[on] Tweeting

2011-03-18T08:29:00.005-04:00

Truthfully: I gave up Twitter to help restore my sanity. Since Freshman year. It's had its time. Zuckerburg still created a more useful tool. Twitter's just entertainment.

how many days till Easter?

breaking

2011-03-17T17:49:00.003-04:00

It's a pretty day. Let's go outside and enjoy it.
Springy 60s today. Summery mid-70s tomorrow. 50s and rain to follow.
Cherish the day.

In bed. TV. iTunes. phone. thoughts.
Typical evening even though it feels a little weirder now that the sun is out a little longer.
Welp...

On a lighter note, SPRING BREAK.

reflecting

2011-03-13T12:33:00.000-04:00

how are you today?
I'm better.

A very good friend noted that he hadn't seen me since last semester. That was 2010 Reni and he said he needs to see the new me. No, I didn't make some resolution to be brand new in 2011 but things have really changed since December 31st, 2010. My problems aren't the same. I look a little different. I have cried more tears. My smiles are for different reasons. The important figures in my life have since changed. I have accomplished a little more. Not all of it by choice either, unfortunately. Yes, taking control of your life and putting yourself through the necessary processes to be where you want to be is empowering and all well and great. However, when there are things in your life you don't have complete control of, things can get a little shaky for you. This is where I stand. Trying to stop beating myself up over something I had very little control over. Trying to get past the negatives and focus on every single positive of the situation. Luckily, time passing is inevitable and even if I'm struggling to come to terms with it all, with every passing day, it's getting a little bit easier. Am I completely fine? No, but I'm better.

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, Courage to change the things I can, And wisdom to know the difference. Amen

experimenting

2011-03-11T11:20:00.004-05:00

New Music.

dreaming

2011-03-10T15:03:00.002-05:00

I seriously do reside in fantasy land. I'm literally scrolling through my iTunes trying to find the perfect song for a certain someone. And I'm sitting here like I need to meet some more people, build some more relationships, and live out these little [love] stories these artists sing about. I want to live in a song, better yet a music video.

I wanna be the girl in Common's video who get's proposed to but I don't want to be deaf.

2011-03-09T10:55:00.002-05:00

Too many nights I'll always remember with someone I won't ever forget.
<3

marching

2011-03-09T10:48:00.002-05:00

decided to visit the ghost of blogs past. here's some of my early March blogs.

2009:
Today, March 5th 2009, is a good day. I'm a happy girl, my joy remains internal and eternal. Can't nobody take that away from me. I once heard something along the lines of at the end of the day, the only person looking out for you is going to be yourself. I agree. You have to do what best for you, make the right choices, and make sure that you're happy at the end of the day...or somewhere close to it.

2008:
there are times. when you'll need someone. i will be by your side. there is a light that shines. special for you. and me
revamping my history. rethinking my future. reloading my present

2006:
its March...spring is on its way. i was getting sick of winter. today is such a beautiful day. before i know it, it will be warm n jus grand. 4th quarter is pretty much here...jus 1 more long ass quarter and it will be summer. yes 2006..fly by

2005:
OMG...it snowed today and rained. It was crazy ass weather especially because it was like 65 degreez yesterday. Now its all windy. I just want SPRING to come!

-growth

dieting

2011-03-08T16:17:00.004-05:00

“I eat to gain...I’m a big believer in having hips, butt and thighs!...I’m eating everything from steak to mashed potatoes; people hate me!..It’s very difficult for me because I’m naturally skinny. I have to put on a lot of weight and work out to gain muscle. I love curves and being sexy”

haha.
-confessions of a skinny girl.

#BecauseMyParentsAreAfrican

2011-03-08T16:07:00.002-05:00

...when my mom tells me to get something and I can't find it she go: "If I go and find it what should I do to you?"
...when my mom calls me I can't say "yes" I have to say "yes mommy"
..."washing dishes"..mom: ur using too much water oya reduce it!!! Like Wtf should it take me an hour!
...they're still saying happy new year when they greet friends they haven't spoken to since december and its March

just a little snippet into my life from the tweets of others like me. wouldn't trade it for the world though. #BecauseMyParentsAreAfrican I'm blessed with a culture

Nigeria to be exact.

sharing

2011-03-07T17:57:00.006-05:00

yesterday my bff accidentally used my roommate's Olay facewash and said she loved it. that had me thinking...what makes a good facewash anyway? I hope I'm doing my skin justice. coincidentally, GMA had a story this morning and what you should look for and avoid. #clutch

staying positive

2011-03-07T17:52:00.002-05:00

Optimism as a wonder drug...hmm. #publichealth

raining

2011-03-06T20:41:00.005-05:00

Sometimes I listen to sad songs on purpose. These 2 today just because.

Ne-Yo. Miss Your Company
Mario. I Miss My Friend

Its the little things.
Can't believe it's March already. Yesterday was the 5th. Miami is next weekend. Time is just flying.

blessing

2011-03-03T08:38:00.003-05:00

Dear Reader,

Happy Blessing Thursday!

With Love,
Reni

jamming

2011-03-02T20:27:00.008-05:00

Abi you go be my boo.

remodeling

2011-03-02T00:22:00.003-05:00

I just remodeled this page. I had to brighten things up. Add some color. Change some fonts. Why? Because I want to give this .blogspot one more try. Probably not the last try but new year, new month, hell..new day! Why not?

Today, I got some good news. I prayed this morning for good news, great things, laughter in my voice, a smile in a face, productivity at my fingertips, positivity on my mind, and love and happiness on my heart. This is my daily prayer. Yes, I've made a habit of praying daily now. Still haven't upgraded to discovering the wonders of the Bible but I'll get there. Anyhow, talking to God can be such a great release. Like I just lay there and have conversations with Him and either psych myself in to the day or debrief. Very therapeutic. I know He's listening. God's got my back.

advice of the hour:
Speaking Into Existence. If you want something great, continue to speak it until you attain it. I think I can. I know I can. I know I will. I can. I can. Words are powerful.

realizing

2010-08-01T16:26:00.001-04:00

almost 19 yrs done and the fun hasnt even begun. start living, stop existing. used to think i was ready to leave it all behind and settle down till i realized i hadnt even started yet. me life. fast life. think i used to fool myself cause i started so early. yea ive been many places nd done many things but theres a time for everything and living like anything (with purpose) has purpose only now. these years. existing in my teen years. over and done. living life fully in my twenties. here i come!

hello August

venting

2010-07-25T16:20:00.000-04:00

nightlife. fast life. its just not me. pregaming n throwin back drinks. not me. nights on the town bein wild. not me. dancing on tables in short skirts..not me. freakum dresses. not me. supa dupa high heels and caked on M.A.C..not me. you=not me

bolting

2010-07-23T16:17:00.000-04:00

thoughts while on BoltBus

leaving bmore:
i remember the time we were drivin thru bmore aimlessly. the hood of course. got to a deadend and saw a huge archway signifying the entrance to the baltimore cemetery. the brighest, newest lookin yet least promising sign in the area. i made it to atlantic city that same night.

arriving in NY:
id rather my future children not call me mama. children should have their mouth taped shut

after 2 days, arriving in bmore:
4112 erdman ave, in one window split pea green and white curtains danced in the window. in the others, makeshift paper or plastic ---

Ball-d'more. decrepit. (my mental dictionary)
according to the bench I saw, "Baltimore. The Greatest City in America"
i beg to differ

----

2010-07-22T17:00:00.000-04:00

Self-Doubt is your worst enemy and
"Believe in yourself" is the best advice
because Self-Confidence is key.

Summer has been so good to me. Even though my biggest plan did not go as planned, things turned out just fine. A job isn't everything and I definitely wasn't settling for no anything ass job. ((p.s. I love when ppl describe things as "anything".)) Certainly tried an interview and was unsuccesful but later realized I didn't wanna work there anyway which is probably what shined through during their 17 question interrogation. Of course, I was kinda bummed out at first but when I realized I didn't get something I didn't even want, the pain subsided. Something is NOT always better than nothing. And maintaining your happiness is the most important of everything so mission accomplished. Reni wins again.

Got that internship like I wanted to though. woot woot. I like that my scope of work has been designed around the strengths my supervisor thinks that I possess. There is nothing I love more than seeing myself excel and listening to the praises of those around me especially when it comes to things I'm not super confident about. But really, in my life, there's nothing I'm SUPER confident about. I lack that "this has my name on it and I spent alot of time and put alot of work into it so it must be the shit" confidence. Words of a self-proclaimed perfectionist.

Speaking of confidence, let's return to those 3 lines from the beginning.
Everything comes from within. How you think of yourself will reflect in the way you carry yourself which will have a great effect on how others percieve you. Be Mindful.

ringing

2010-07-22T16:10:00.000-04:00

2 hour long conversations on the phone...cant get you outta my mind...

location: layin in bed.

theres something about having that person you can sit and rap to about anything and everything and nothing at the same time in the wee hours of the AM when normal people are sleeping. when getting ready for bed means preparing for a phone conversation that neither of you will want to end and where both of you will prob fall asleep twice before deciding that its time. just hours shy of your morning alarm...

*ring*ring*

7-20-10

2010-07-20T04:30:00.000-04:00

"am i really about to blog cause he told me to?
sigh."

Interestingly enough, that was the last thing I had saved as drafts in here from sometime in June. I don't even remember who I was referring to but today, July 20, 2010, even though I am returning to this blog by way of someone else's suggestion, this time, I'm really doing it for me.

Your first love is the sweetest and will always have a permanent place in your heart.

2010-06-09T00:32:00.000-04:00

i cant think of anything to write...
this blog is too forced for my liking

on the verge of deletion
or disabling it (if i can)

death to 9-5s.
i just wanna be rich and free.
so i can travel and chill.
or just be elsewhere
and be content
with everything i want
and all the things i need

with a solid circle to enjoy it with.

=)

2010-06-06T11:37:00.001-04:00

7even lines of summer
six months of you
spending all saturday together
late night rendezvous

license √
car √

new years resolution/1 item of summer bucket list complete...
#satisfied

Memorializing..

2010-05-31T00:35:00.000-04:00

Memorial Day...remembering our troops
*cue Trey Songz' video for "Yo Side of The Bed"*

Memorial Day is also the official start of summer. This summer will be better than the last one. I already know. I'm just waiting for things to get started. Any minute now...

The only thing we will be left with at the end of the day is memories. So make them as often as you can and make them good. True words spoken from a wise mafia man. I'm gonna remember this.

Sex and They're Cheating 2

2010-05-28T22:34:00.000-04:00

Sooo I went and saw Sex and The City 2 today. One of those movies that makes you think about growing up, marriage, and the fast life. One of those movies that makes me sit back and ask...is this LIFE? Lesson Learned: Everybody Cheats and Cheating is OK. ?!?!

That's not how the story goes; cheating is taboo. To be done behind the scenes and shunned in the light. It should not happen and needs to be dealt with accordingly. Carrie kissed Aiden and told Big and she was rewarded (excuse me..."punished") with a Black diamond ring. ?!?! Well if that ain't the perfect ending to this modern day fairytale?

'Every couple has the right to make its own rules'.

Fair enough.

7even Lines of Summer

2010-05-27T14:47:00.000-04:00

I am going to give this another try. I don't do enough and think way too much to go without writing. 7even Lines of Summer. Each day, I will aim to write 7even lines on this blog. The end result will be something worth looking back at. Something like my first blog, the real me.

Starting......NOW

2010-01-28T19:58:00.000-05:00

I just want love; a tangible entity I can thrust all of my time and emotion towards, is that a crime? said Complex Simplicity

Haiti..my Haiti

2010-01-13T17:16:00.001-05:00

I don't think Haiti needs clothes. Sure put clothes on their backs but the devastation is way past this. They need money and support to clean up, rebuild, get back on their feet. They need money to fall in the right hands of the right people. They need the powerful to care and act. That's all.

Yea I facebook. Myspace still exists. I even got my Xanga. and i stillllll Tweet on top of all this. Twitter breeds ignorance and sometimes I can't fade. Days like today. Haiti Earthquake from Yesterday. Twice, I've seen did Haiti donate to us when Katrina occurred? If you read, you would know that it was the poorest nation in the world. THE POOREST, not in any shape or condition to donate to anyone not because they don't care or they don't want to but because they just can't so how dare you even open your mouth or fix your fingers to express such a comment. I really can't believe people sometimes.

Like yes, things like this raise awareness but when people want to start acting stupid about, it really drives me crazy. People jump up and say where were yall reppin for Haiti before this earthquake hit? Please don't. Please, please, please DO NOT. If you thought present situations requiring immediate action were the time to dwell on the mistakes of our past in order to build a better future, you've got it all wrong. And when you're wrong, I'd prefer that you shut your mouth. But that's just me and this is just my blog so....yea.

Thank you

swingers

2010-01-13T15:49:00.001-05:00

randomly remembering the time that me and my superb ex boyfriend and I chilled over the summer. he took me to a park and we sat on the swings together and talked for awhile.

he was being nice that day. brotherly. protective. trying to look out for me by telling me I was talking to the wrong kind of dude. I knew that then and I know it even more now.

good times though. we talked and laugh. i dont know why conversation about a future "us" came up. It really escapes me but it's all good. I Love The People I Love

and then he rolled a blunt. sigh.
THE END

2009-12-31T14:08:00.000-05:00

Here we are at the end of yet another year. 2009. Slowly but surely approaching 2010, a year that we probably didn't ever think would come. But, He never fails and here it is. 2010. A new decade. The 20th Chapter of my life.

2009. A Year in Review. I'm not even going to look back. Cause I don't feel like it. I had my good days and my bad and my greater days. Needless to say, the last quarter of the year has been great because of the something new I've been blessed with. Summer wasn't what I wanted it to be. And the spring semester was oodles of fun and me doing as i pleased. December 30th was Beautiful Bliss. I don't know where I'll be when the clock strikes nor do I care where you will be but I will say this.

January 1st, 2010 is a day of official new beginnings cause the year changes. Take this opportunity to not make foolish resolutions and empty promises to yourself and others, just set reasonable goals. And keep those goals in mind and remind yourself of why you set those goals in the first place and try to actively work towards them. And when you feel like you have failed or gone off track, wake up the next day and start over. So you cursed after saying you wouldn't curse in 2010, it's not over. Just try not to do it again. We all slip up and fall and have lapses and such. "We fall down but we.....GET UP" sang Donnie McClurkin once upon a time.

Don't forget to get up after you fall. Don't be so quick to call it quits if it's something you really want. Don't waste your time and energy on things that you know aren't really that important. This is the only way you will be able to keep the right things in focus. Cause it can be so easy to lose sight of the bigger picture and everything that really matters in a midst of all the clutter and excess. Stay Focused.

Stay Positive. I can't preach this enough. It's easier to be positive than to be negative. Remember when math was all positive integers and then they introduced negative integers and you were like WTF? Exactly. They called this chapter Integers. Because the Negative dimension of things had you thinking in ways you had never thought before...no longer were numbers "Numbers", now they were these mysterious "Integers". Doing THE MOST just to incorporate negativity. WACK.

LMAO...pardon me I had to laugh at that. It's getting late.

Ummm.

Stay Focused.

Stay Positive.

Do things to make yourself happy.

Be yourself. Nothing more, nothing less.

Let Love & Happiness rule your world.

Understand that Everyone is Different.

Remember to Smile.

feelin better than I ever felt before. Today. better late than never. It's your orientation. We can make it better #in2010.

2009-12-07T20:52:00.001-05:00

3x a charm

I got that good thing back. and he likes me. I feind for him nightly. this aint about Lust. HAHA

Just on Thursday, I said "What more can I say? Nothing left to do but wait" and check me on Monday. coming out of the weekend with way more than I went in with. and it feels great.

dude said "seriously has 2009 been a go0d year for anybody?"

*looks around-shyly raises hand*

-mo.Reni.K.B.

2009-12-07T20:48:00.000-05:00

"I just think that when the sex factor is taken out of the relationship, you really get to know a person"

-miss Angela Simmons

*couldn't agree more"

cliche-touche

2009-12-07T20:26:00.000-05:00

good things come to those who wait. it's cliche but it's true. many things are cliche and we write them off because we are tired of hearing the same ol "words of encouragement" and would rather just accept our misery and move on. but really they are cliche because they are said time and time and time again because they are actually true. we are not all insane- doing the same thing over and over and over again expecting a different result. so listen and take heed when someone throws something positive your way...even if you're the one talking to yourself.

im scared

2009-11-30T18:44:00.000-05:00

in search of a secret staircase that will continue to take me higher and higher

hoping there's one out there cause I'm not seeing it

maybe I'm not supposed to because it's a secret

the truth outs itself right? so they say...

we shall see in the near future...one of these days

I mean, I'm taking things 1 day at a time. Seizing the day, cherishing the moments, whatever. But I can't help but think about the future. Will it be what I want what I want it to be? Or will it be something even more grand than I could ever imagine?

I can't help but wait.

know your: Self Worth

2009-11-27T23:45:00.000-05:00

be aware that you are a Somebody

you do matter. you do have a purpose

have standards for what you can take and what you can't put up with

you are better than some things, and less fit for others

it's not cockiness. it's not conceit.

it's knowing Who You Are

Love Thyself. Value Thyself.

look in the mirror and smile

learn from what you were.

embrace what you are.

and work on what you will be.

do things to make yourself happy

if you don't, who else will.

know your: Self Worth

love. love. love.

2009-11-22T13:18:00.000-05:00

Dont smother your significant other.

Relationships can't grown in the shade.

Let that bitch breathe.

Listen...

2009-11-05T12:16:00.001-05:00

how can you go through life without listening?

A friend, in the lose sense of the word, told me he doesn't listen to anyone because he knows all the answers to everything. He knows what it takes for him to be great. Like are you for serious? I don't see him getting very far with that mentality. He must not understand the value of socialization and education. People who spend their childhoods without any human contact locked up in the basement suffer serious consequences.

He says he listens to the Cosmos....call it what you want but I'm gonna call it like I see it.

#nowords

Me

2009-10-20T14:49:00.000-04:00

I'd rather not sit here and enter information on incoming students into the system. No, I want to do other things. I wish to listen to Confessions, blog, tweet, and text while being paid by the state of Maryland. How to revamp this blog...I saw Ray yesterday and we small-talked about blogging. It's a small, dying subculture. I refuse to let it go though. 5 years and counting. My personal release.

It's easier for me to write than to speak sometimes. Though I can rap, not 16 bars but like a mile a minute about who knows what going everywhere and beyond and having trouble getting back to my original thought but ending on something only to return to it later and politely give the other person the floor as though a conversation with me just be moderated as though it is a debate, but best believe if there's an argument I will get my word out and I will go IN. Exhale. Smile. My bad. I'm simply complex.

And I walk through life as an observer. I listen alot. See alot. Think alot. scratch that. THINK TOO MUCH. So my thoughts run rampant. I just cant afford to share them all with any and everyone. So I choose to write a blog that the world can see. The most public but still quite private. Because only those who seek, will find. And only those who listen, will learn.

Once you know how something works on the inside, you'll never be able to see it the same again. Introducing The Other Me.
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. You're far too kind.

normalcee

2009-10-13T01:35:00.000-04:00

I've been meaning to revamp this blog.

But I don't know what I want to do with it.

Might have to go back to the daily ramblings but if I force it, then it won't be true.

And I gotta stay true and real. So we'll see how it goes.

Today I'm falling sick. This weekend, I fell into LIKE. and I was LOVIN it. i'm enjoying it right now. All signs go..,as far as normal circumstances. I don't think I've ever done anything with my heart or emotions under normal circumstances. Always some monkey wrench in the dynamic. But I'm not even gonna indulge on this one. I'll live in my dreamworld and escape when need be. Yall don't need to know.

-mo.Reni.K.B.

2009-07-11T18:33:00.000-04:00

I remember when I used to be really happy and content with my situation.
That was a fun part of life.

It's not that I hate to see others doing better than me.
I just wish I could say I was doing great, making moves, and taking steps forward as well.

I feel like I'm at a standstill, in a rut.
I don't know what can bring me out of it.

I have an idea and it involves a male.
Not saying I need one to be happy.

I seek concrete companionship.
I find em, they come and GO.

All I wanted to do this summer was make money.
All the eggs, all the baskets dropped.

So now I'm left waiting on who knows what.

2009-06-15T16:49:00.000-04:00

so if I don't work this summer, what will I do with my time?

so, it's a recession out here. and jobs are hard to come by. i have searched high, not low and have had interviews with no leads. frustrated and discouraged, yes. it's unfair cause i work hard and deserve what i strive for. but what can you do? maybe I'll read this summer or go for walks everyday or fall in love. Probably just read, if I can find the peace to do so. I could be like a friend of mine and fill my time with hanging out with other people I don't care for all that much but I will not give them my precious time. Nope. Rather be alone and by myself than alone in a room full of people.

Unwanted people will not crowd my life anymore.

Colin= WANTED.

praying

2009-05-27T23:18:00.000-04:00

i was more comfortable with my xanga...

1 week of summer has passed. still praying for this job. i cannot be in this house all summer.

some people say, then get out more? you dont know my situation, it's not that simple. why do people offer simple answers to other people's problems. it wouldn't be such a problem if it was that easy, now would it? "think before you speak" said the great Ray Mullings. still praying.

so i met this boy for the 2nd time in my lifetime. fast forward nearly 10 years and here we are again. time sure knows how to alter relationships. this time for the very better. i was waiting on this. not him, but this. im happy with it. He is my Intern. and I am BOSS. Together, its Chocolate and Caramel aka The Perfect Plan. me and my metaphorical speech...

plan B? i don't have one. i don't want to need one. i'm praying. i spoke it into existence, i just need it to materialize. please just materialize. still praying.

My Summer Solstice

2009-05-19T12:29:00.000-04:00

Finally I, too, can exhale. My freshman year of college at the University of Maryland College Park has finally come to an end. It was fun. I can say that. I'm ready to make even more memories next year. I need to be more sociable. I have an interest but of course, he doesn't go to UMCP. It was a struggle to finish but when I was sitting there writing that last essay, I was like THIS IS IT. FINITO.

Summertime...I want to work. I want to have stacks! I want to enjoy it.

This blog needs to be revamped.

CHECK THIS OUT

and the people said...

2009-05-05T20:44:00.000-04:00

so people sit and talk and talk and talk about how real they are and they call out all the fake people and all the wrongs with people in this world. and everyone says "PREACH". well duh we're gonna tell you to preach the good news cause its the real ish. however the preacher can be a perpetrator just the same.